English: Two Houses: Migration, Culture and the Search for Meaning | Eray Oğuz

Being born into one culture and basing friendships and your personality around it is one of the core traits that make us human. And my culture happened to be that of the Swiss nature. I was born in a remote village in Switzerland with mountains overlooking the Alps and a small lake where we would constantly go in. It was a life filled with peace and self-fulfillment.

Also, my family was rather non-religious and not attached to Turkish traditional values, which made it much easier for me to embrace the culture of Switzerland (I’d like to stress that I believe that Switzerland itself is an amalgam of cultures rather than a distinct culture itself, it has brought in elements from its bordering countries but at its core it has a nice blend between conservative traditionalism and accepting hospitality).

The values that I grew accustomed to where many, and even the first language I learned was German so it was rather interesting when we moved back to Turkey, and it definitely was a rocky road.

Nearly every facet of my life had turned upside down, every single friend I had ever made, everyone I had known outside of my own family were simply gone.

The first problem that I faced in Turkey was the language barrier, neither my family nor I thought that we would be returning so they hadn’t taught me too much Turkish. I had to stumble my way through the language and even simple classes (I was 9 by the time I returned and started of at 2nd grade) seemed like a big burden.

I still distinctly remember that I also struggled in Mathematics. This was because the way the questions were asked in Turkish, I could only read the numbers and the rest didn’t make sense so I would just make up additions, multiplications, etc.(And they mostly would end up wrong). This was just because the questions were formatted like daily life interactions.

But education and language were actually small parts in this overwhelming change. The cultural tapestry I had grown accustomed to was completely shattered.

In Switzerland, I remember riding my bicycle around the village for hours on end, even staying past midnight at ages as young as 4-5. When I came to Turkey, one of the biggest shocks for me was that I could never leave the sight of my parents.

They ensured that I wouldn’t leave them through fearmongering (Which I still find wrong, but to each their own I guess). They would say that I could be kidnapped, my organs would be stolen, etc. to sway me from going outside or riding of with my bike in Mersin.

I never remember having even a single nightmare in Switzerland, but after my return, it became a recurring theme that I would always see nightmares, and that I even scared being alone at my own home.

So, growing accustomed to this was no easy feat, and it wasn’t until me and some friends got a place when I started college that I completely outgrew the fear of the nightmares and staying alone.

One other facet of this would be that I never really got the sense of belonging either (outside of my family of course). There were select few friends that I had, and that I still see to this day, but the vast majority of people were alien to me, and of course I to them.

The avid passion for football, the games they would play, these all were small but decisive factors that would keep a barrier between people my age. It was not until college that I really found my footing, and where I could make friends that shared similar passions with me.

You may think that these smaller things may not add up to much, but when you are a child, these small passions account for a sizable portion of your daily activities and personality. This resulted in me mostly staying to myself and being rather silent, never lonely though because I had wonderful friends but they were unique characters themselves.

So that is the crux of it I believe, while it was wonderful that I got the chance to experience two cultures and learn an additional language, this fundamental shift took years for me to fully adjust, and one might say that I am still adjusting to this day.

At its center alienation is caused by many factors: Lack of familiarity, a language barrier, no common interests, etc. I had most of these factors definitely working against me.

But through the friendships that I made throughout the years, I was allowed to be myself, to showcase my culture, the one that I had been born in, to my friends. They embraced me for who I was, and with that I also became open to experiencing new things.

I think this was the biggest catalyzer, I saw that I was open to teach my friends my way of life, but that I was blocking off their suggestions and their ideas. Seeing this error in my though process allowed me to integrate and be a part of larger communities rather than connecting with single individuals.

So, in the end it was my friends who made my who I am and allowed me to open up to embrace the beauty of a new culture.

The biggest cultural difference were definitely how people interacted with each other and shared their time together. Given its European influence, Switzerland hosts a series of qualities that rely on the individual. You are your own person and the individual takes center stage rather than the community they find themselves in.

As opposed to Turkey, where you usually exist within a group. You still have your own identity but your community is a strong influence on how it is shaped and structured.

It was especially difficult to overcome this because there were two factors at play. One, I knew little to no Turkish, and two because my understanding of culture and community was pretty different.

This is usually not the case for those that live in Switzerland, or any other country where they have immigrated, but my family wanted me to embrace the Swiss life to its fullest. Some snippets of my memories would be:

Every Sunday we would go to the church and gather with the village to discuss, talk and spend the time. This gave me a sense of community but it was still a single day and it was centered around this single day. These people you never talked to or saw in any other day of the week. I believe one important factor that resulted in this was that my parents learned German a little later than me.

So, while they opted to make Turkish friends, I had always made friends that were Swiss.

One other distinct thing that my father did, and that I still remember, was that we had a budhist neighbor. There was a gathering at a lake in Switzerland and I went with my father and Ferine, our neighbors name, where I danced to Hare krishna and had a third eye imprinted on my forehead.

So, there was a sense of acceptance there, no matter who I was I always felt welcome and accepted in Switzerland.

This was rather different in Turkey, because it has a rather predominant culture and it shapes the people that are in it. Me growing up with so many influences made it difficult for me to fully embrace Turkish culture, mannerisms, etc.

But I believe that I was two-faced here and it was the reflection on my own barriers that allowed me to fully embrace some parts of the culture.

As I just said, I was born into different cultures, I saw many different living styles and people and had the chance to enjoy time with them and I had accepted every single one of them like it was my own.

The error that I made was that when I came to Turkey, I felt alienated the first instance I came here. I didn’t try to fit in, or understand why people were like this. And since I had grown up with so much acceptance, it was rather uncharacteristic for me to deny even understanding this.

Of course, I was rather young (I was 9 when I came back) and did not have an obligation to fit in. But, understanding and embracing a culture is a must if you plan on not just living with people but making friends.

The breaking point for me was when I started college. The city I lived in was not small but it had a predominantly similar culture (at least the community, family, friends) I interacted with.

When I started college I got the chance to meet a plethora of different people from different cultures, backgrounds, upbringings, and it put everything into perspective.

I suddenly saw that I was one of the actors of my own alienation, I understood that because I believe that I did not fit in I decided to keep a distant between the values that I was born in and the values that I was now experiencing.

And with every person I met, I became more relaxed and more open to experience their ideas about the world, how they perceived it, how they wanted to live in it. It was the initial shock that I had experienced when I was a child that shut me down.

So, in the end, I saw that the inner child in me who grew up with these different cultures and people was still there, it was just hiding and waiting to reemerge. So, when I accepted this fact, I believe that I came to a point where the cultural difference, at least on an individual level, was not an issue anymore.